- By Dwaipayan, 26 September 2020 | 5 MIN READ
Conflicts are everywhere, conflict comes with a story, everyone brings a story, their side of the story! Conflict stories of people represent the four types of universal characters; the innocent, helpless victim; the evil, and the brave righteous hero. We often see such identical character types on our favorite television shows as well.
Conflicts between friends, family, or colleagues result in an adverse impact on us. Hardly constructive, these heated exchanges seem like debates or ping-pong games and serve only to provoke and entrench the participants. Even at times, the most intelligent and articulate people fall into these savage traps.
6 ways conflicts arise
Manipulating: There are people who leave no opportunities to blow their own trumpet, it could be a quiet colleague who goes behind your back to lie to your boss about you, or a loud colleague hog all the credit at meetings for your work. There are people who will try to manipulate situations in their favor.
At home, manipulation in relationships is easy to find. Some parents want their kids to be at the “top” at any cost. They will hire teachers, coaches, or anyone else ousted to gain an advantage. Children are sensitive, they understand everything, its only the bitter reactions that follow after years.
Lying, being fraudulent: Lying is a disease that infests you deeply and in the process you betray people, you too hurt yourself unknowingly. But finally, the truth will tunnel out. Sociopaths have the tendency to lie with no feeling of guilt or remorse. Even if you’re a master in the fooling game there will be inner conflicts until you come clean.
Treating others impolitely: When you’re treating others disrespectfully it fuels rage. Nobody will feel comfortable and okay while being demeaned or yelled at, ordered around, gossiped about, or ignored. An example, Linda often indulges the waitstaff at restaurants as if they’re trash. She snaps at them and demands things, and one can clearly notice them get upset. She is unable to comprehend that when you treat people that harsh it makes them mad. For things to change, Linda should realize that her communication style is abrasive and unkind.
Not respecting others’ boundaries: A “NO” means a “NO” If somebody says they can’t help you on a work project, pushing them means you’re about to create conflict.
Not setting good boundaries. If you are a mother or an overpowering dad who is busy pleasing everyone else, your own life fall by the wayside; you are creating conflict. You’re inviting a lot of resentment that will eventually landslide down into a huge conflict. At Work, if you are available 24/7 exhausting yourself, you are going to be short and snappy with your assistant, the rules of the book will apply the same with your spouse, lover, kids, co-workers, colleagues. Conflict will arise somewhere.
A general observation, the initial conflict starts inside within us. It could be a by-product of boredom, insecurities, fear, or pressure we can’t handle. We tend to take the easiest route and impulsively turn it into actions and words that either consciously or unconsciously create new conflict.
In a world where good is always fighting evil, it’s impractical to avoid conflict. The key is how we handle conflict? We either be able to engage with it in right or wrong ways or turn the other cheek. Sometimes a good idea will be to keep moving forward as if we didn’t even notice. But sometimes turning the other cheek will also not work! Not always conflicts are negative and destructive. It’s when we bring true curiosity, respect, and compassion to our conflict conversations, we build bridges, deepen relationships, and solve problems. Here conflicts help us to move beyond the spectacle of confrontation to resolution.
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